


Llomerryn Nights

by bioticbootyshaker



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 15:50:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1823881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bioticbootyshaker/pseuds/bioticbootyshaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris and Sebastian, on the verge of moving in together, decide to test their relationship with a trip together. The only problem is their destination is a place Fenris knows too well -- and one that he never intended to return to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yarnandtea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yarnandtea/gifts).



Fenris traced his finger over the map, his other hand thrown over his eyes. Sebastian was close to him, and there was a certain energy in the air that he couldn’t describe. Excitement, nervousness, anticipation, anxiousness; both of them were prepared for the next step, but neither of them really knew for sure if they were prepared for what came after. When Sebastian made the suggestion, with his body spooned behind Fenris and his mouth close to his ear, it had seemed like a natural progression. Fenris’ toothbrush was in Sebastian’s bathroom, his clothes were folded neatly in his drawer, his socks were littering his bedroom floor – it seemed like the most logical thing to do was to take a trip together.

“Few days,” Sebastian said. “Just the two of us. I mean, if that sounds like something you’d want to do. You don’t have to, Fen. If you---“

“I want to,” Fenris said, before he’d had any time to think things through. The second the words had left him, his mind had screamed at him that it was too soon, it was too fast, there was no telling what they might find out about one another that might cause a rift between them. Granted, he knew enough, sharing a bed with him, but still. Sleeping over three nights a week wasn’t the same as spending _every minute_ for _three days_ together. 

It wasn’t something he could bring up. Sebastian seemed excited, if a little nervous, and Fenris didn’t want to kill his enthusiasm. So, with more hesitation than his lover, Fenris picked a place at random on the map. That had been Sebastian’s idea, too. Instead of arguing over where to go, and most likely ruining the entire trip before it started, they would choose a place at random.

Sebastian kissed his ear, lightly, and wrapped his fingers around his wrist. “Let’s see, love.”

They looked down together. Fenris’ heart sped up a bit when he saw where his finger rested. There were a million tangled up emotions and fears and thoughts; but at the core of him, was a ripple of excitement. The shore had been kind to him, once upon a time, when he’d been younger and bolder; he hoped it would be good to him again – to the both of them. 

_Rivain._

***

Part of him wanted to tell Sebastian why he was so nervous about returning to Rivain; but he couldn’t muster the courage to do it. Fenris was afraid that when Sebastian learned what had happened during his first visit to the coast, he would rethink more than their trip together – he might rethink their entire relationship. Reasonably, Fenris was sure Sebastian wouldn’t abandon him because of an indiscretion when he’d been fifteen years old, but even still.

Trust was a fragile thing. Fenris didn’t want to ruin the trust Sebastian had placed in him, and he didn’t want to test the trust he had in Sebastian. So many people had failed him… He would rather not add Sebastian to the list. 

Instead of making a big deal out of something that obviously _wasn’t_ , Fenris let Sebastian drag him around town. Shopping was low on the list of things Fenris wanted to be doing, but he enjoyed seeing how excited Sebastian was, how he took pleasure in spoiling him and treating him to the fine things he’d never had before. 

No one had ever been so good to him before. No one had ever told him that he deserved more, that he deserved to be happy, that he deserved to be safe. Sebastian was the first person who had taken Fenris’ hand and looked down at him and said, “I love you,” without adding a thousand little stipulations, a thousand little things that Fenris had to do to be worthy of him.

For all he’d done for him, Fenris figured he could put on a smile and pretend to be interested in which pair of jeans looked best on him, or which shirt brought out the green of his eyes. 

“Have you called Aveline?” Sebastian asked. They were sitting on the patio of a café with a light breeze rustling their hair and iced tea chilly in their hands; the last thing Fenris wanted to talk about was Aveline.

“No,” he said. “She’s not going to do it for us.”

“Why not?” Sebastian asked. “She’s your friend, right? I just need her to come by and water the plants and check the mail. We’re not asking for her first born here, Fenris.”

“Right, but you don’t know her,” Fenris said. “She’s going to lay into me about all of this. She won’t want me going away with you.”

Aveline always meant well, and she had done a lot to take care of Fenris over the years, but her overprotectiveness had moved steadily from endearing to irritating. There was no way she’d be able to keep her opinions to herself when Fenris told her he and Sebastian were going away together; and worse than that, there was no way she’d be able to keep a secret when she found out where they were going. She was the only one who knew about his time in Rivain, and Fenris wanted to keep it that way. 

“If you don’t ask her, I will,” Sebastian said. “And she doesn’t like me.”

“Fine, fine,” Fenris sighed. “I’ll call her tonight.”

Sebastian smirked, and leaned on his elbows. “You should do it now,” he said, “Before you conveniently ‘forget’ to do it later.”

Fenris swore under his breath.

He already knew him too well. 

 

 

***

 

Aveline agreed, albeit grudgingly, to come by every day and keep things in order while they were out of town. She waited until Sebastian had gone into another room before she started lecturing him about the dangers of rushing things. 

“You’ve only known him a month,” Aveline said. “It’s bad enough you’ve decided to move in with him---“

“I haven’t,” Fenris interrupted. 

“Not officially,” Aveline said. “But I know as well as you that you’re spending all of your time over there. I bet your toothbrush is in his bathroom right now.”

Heat built on his face. Luckily Aveline wasn’t there, or she’d see the truth written all over his face. It was much easier to lie to her over the phone. “No,” he said, “And I really don’t see how this is any of your business, Aveline. I’m not a child.”

Her voice softened. At the end of the day, no matter how much she lectured and disapproved and overstepped, Aveline cared about him. She wanted him to be happy. She didn’t like Sebastian – she had made that quite clear the moment she’d met him – but she could see that he was important to him. 

The Vaels were a well-known family, and Sebastian was supposedly the son that had caused his parents the most grief and worry, running around and causing trouble the way he had when he’d been young; because of that, Aveline judged him as carousing and careless and flighty – but she had toned down her disapproval when she’d seen how much Fenris cared for him.

Still, Fenris could feel her dislike, but he respected that she bit her tongue. 

“I know that,” Aveline said, gently. “I do. I just… You’re moving really fast, Fenris. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

He glanced up and saw Sebastian in the other room, folding clothes and tucking them into suitcases, humming to himself. He was _good_. Not all the time and not perfect, not without his flaws and faults and little, tiresome quirks. But he was _good._ He made Fenris feel good, feel full in a way he never had before. If things were moving too quickly, if they were setting themselves up for a painful fall, if they were getting their hopes up… Well, that was part of living. 

Sebastian was worth taking a risk on. Fenris could feel that in his bones. 

Just as he knew there was no living without getting hurt. 

“Just… tell me to have a good time, Aveline.”

He could hear the smile in her voice; it was tired, but there: “Have a good time, Fenris.”

Fenris hung up before he could ask her to tell him not to go.

***

 

“Sebastian,” Fenris breathed. Maker, he wanted to just melt into the bed, to just let Sebastian’s lips ease him as they moved down his body. They were pressed against his hip, tongue slipping from teeth to drag over his skin. Fenris shivered, but he said his name with more insistence – and not the insistence Sebastian wanted.

“What?” Sebastian asked. “Are you okay?”

No, he wasn’t. He wanted to be, but he wasn’t. It had nothing to do with Sebastian’s mouth, or the solid feel of him between his legs, or the way his hair slipped out of its carefully combed back style and rested messy and tangled on his forehead. 

It had everything to do with Rivain. 

“No,” Fenris sighed. “I’m not.”


	2. Shoulder Freckles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris tells Sebastian the story of his first visit to Llomerryn, and the girl who saved him.

He’d been on the run from very dangerous, very persistent people. He’d told Sebastian that much, which was more than he’d wanted to share already. What he hadn’t mentioned was that he’d wound up in Rivain, in Llomerryn, on the shore, with salt in his hair and lungs and sand crusted against his face. 

He hadn’t mentioned that he’d almost died, and that he’d been saved by a stroke of good luck, and a girl with pretty golden eyes. 

Isabela. 

Her name was a sigh, still, in the back of his mind, or his heart, hidden secret behind his ribs. Fenris wanted to say it aloud, to tell Sebastian that the woman with the crooked smile and the callused palms and the gentle heart had been better to him than he had ever been to himself; but he couldn’t quite form the name on his tongue. Part of that was because he didn’t want Sebastian to become jealous of a memory; part of it was because he wanted to keep her name his secret. His memories with her belonged only to the two of them – he wasn’t sure if he had a right to involve someone else. 

No, that was cowardly. Isabela was no secret for his heart to keep, and Sebastian would never be jealous of someone who had been so good to him.

Still, Fenris went through his story carefully.

 

***

 

They found him on the beach, his third night in hiding. He’d tried to run, but he hadn’t been fast enough. A bullet had torn through his back, and he’d fallen into the surf, his mouth filled with sand and sea water. Everything had been deep shades of grey edging towards black. The last thought he carried with him into that deepening darkness was, _I’m dead_. 

But the darkness broke, slowly, painfully, with his will and the will of someone he couldn’t see. His eyes opened, cloudy and blurred, and he found himself in a room he’d never seen before. There was a woman sitting on the edge of his bed, a woman with her hair pulled back from her face and seashell earrings and freckled shoulders. A woman who turned when he made a noise, low and desperate at the bottom of his throat, and smiled. 

A woman who had the smell of the sea on her skin when she leaned down and filled his senses.

“Shh, shh,” she hushed. “It’s all right, sweet thing. Don’t move.”

Fenris relaxed, as best he could, eased under the press of her palm against his forehead. He could smell the incense filling the room, a spicy smell that lingered beneath the ocean water. Everything about the room, about the woman, filled him with comfort. He laughed, and the woman laughed with him, soft and husky, a sound that could melt bone. Funny that he had never felt so calm, so at ease; and he had a bullet in his back. 

She never asked who had been after him, or why. She only tended to him, with as much gentleness as she could. Fenris hardly remembered the time she spent with him, smoothing his hair from his forehead, pressing cool, wet cloth to his skin, changing his bandages, feeding him; doing everything short of breathing for him.

Whenever she moved to leave him, Fenris grabbed her wrist. He didn’t want to be without her. He didn’t want to return to that darkness, to that silence, to that deep, yawning emptiness. 

She smiled. “It’s alright,” she told him. 

He asked her name. His voice was rough and scratched his throat too dry and too sore. But he needed to know. 

“Isabela,” she said, with her smile crooked and her golden eyes bright. 

Isabela. 

When he went into the darkness, he took her name with him.

***

 

The time he spent in Llomerryn was the only time in his life where he’d felt truly free. No one had been watching him, no one had been trying to control him; he had been pleasantly and wonderfully unattached; feeling what he felt when he felt it, with no one telling him that he was a fool, that he wasn’t allowed. He breathed in the sea air, felt the sun warm and heavy on his shoulders, let his toes curl into the sand.

Fenris kissed her mouth with abandon, drifted his fingers over her curves, kissed her shoulders and mapped her freckles with his tongue. Isabela took him into the surf, where he’d nearly died, where he’d let the darkness fold over him, and showed him that he was wholly, beautifully alive. That memory burned itself into his mind, even years later, when he sat with Sebastian in a quiet apartment in a quiet town. 

The memory of Isabela on his hips, her hair tumbling over her shoulders, the sunlight behind her, framing her in gold and orange and fire. 

The memory of her mouth on his throat and her breath hot and damp. And the memory of his body trembling beneath her when he told her he loved her. 

But Llomerryn had been a long time before, and the girl who had saved him, who had made love to him in the sand and under the stars might no longer exist. Time did many things, not least of which was harden hearts and lay waste to innocence. He wished he could return to the shore, to the sand between his toes and the sea wind stirring his hair and the sun beating down on his shoulders, without carrying the weight of how things had ended with him.

Fenris wished the nights in Llomerryn had lasted forever. 

***

Sebastian was quiet as Fenris told his story, but the air between them was never cold or resentful. He remained receptive and open, and when Fenris’ voice grew soft and his eyes turned down, Sebastian reached out and took his hand. His thumb stroked over his knuckles, and stayed there until Fenris finished. 

The silence wasn’t heavy or oppressive, but it wasn’t the most comfortable silence they’d shared. He wished he would have chosen any other place for them to go, any place but Rivain, any place but the shores of Llomerryn. If he had pointed at Antiva, with its sun and heat and shops, he never would have had to tear his heart open and wait for his lover to either speak his acceptance, or tell him goodbye.

“I left that place behind a long time ago,” Fenris said. “I had to. There were… problems, and I didn’t feel like getting anyone involved in my mess. When I came here, I wanted a fresh start.”

“Who is after you?” Sebastian asked. He said nothing of Llomerryn, or Isabela, but he dug into a sensitive spot all the same. There was no apology in his eyes, and he didn’t flinch back from the question when Fenris fidgeted and tried to change the subject. He pressed in deeper. “Tell me who you’re running from,” Sebastian said. “How am I supposed to help you if you don’t trust me?”

“I trust you,” Fenris said, stubbornly, petulantly, more a child than a man. He heard the tone and winced, following the words with a sigh. “It’s no one,” he said, “Just… I used to do some unpleasant work before I came here. I was… kind of, involved with this group of people who weren’t too happy when I decided to leave. The guy who ran the show kind of... wants me dead.”

Sebastian let the information sit untouched between them for a while. Fenris waited for him to say he didn’t want to be involved with a man who carried so many secrets, who refused to open himself up and let someone get close to all of the hidden, complicated, painful parts of him. He waited for Sebastian to tell him he was finished, that nothing was worth the risk of loving him; instead, Sebastian sighed and kept stroking Fenris’ knuckles with his thumb. “Okay,” he said, when the silence went on too long and Fenris felt ready to scream just to break it. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Sebastian repeated. “Did they find you before?”

His acceptance threw Fenris. He couldn’t shape his mouth around the words he wanted to say. Sebastian knew, though, his thumb kept easing over his knuckles, and his voice remained soft. “Fenris,” he said. “Did they find you before? Is that why you left?”

“No,” Fenris said. “They didn’t find me, I just… I didn’t want to hang around until they did. I didn’t want anyone to hurt her.”

Sebastian pulled his hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. “That’s why I love you,” he said. “You can build as many walls as you want to, Fenris, but you have a good heart, and when you love someone, you’ll do anything for them.”

“I love you,” Fenris said. “Maybe you shouldn’t get so close to me.”

“Oh,” Sebastian murmured. He moved closer to Fenris, close enough to put his breath against his throat and his body between his knees. “I want to get a lot closer.”

Fenris nudged his nose against him. “You shouldn’t,” he whispered.

Sebastian took the last syllable into his mouth, and the breath that followed it.


	3. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Llomerryn, Fenris is torn between the two people who make him the happiest; before he realizes there is no choosing between both halves of his heart.

Llomerryn was more beautiful than he remembered. 

The sand was white and seemed to sparkle like diamonds under the sun. The water a gorgeous, deep, crystalline blue, lapping at the sand and people’s toes. The town bustled with people, vibrant with color and laughter and cheerful voices shouting to one another. The Rivaini people were beautiful and welcoming, as warm as their shores. Whenever Fenris thought he’d seen everything, Sebastian grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him in the direction of something new. 

They ate lunch at a small restaurant on the beach. Fenris made a face as Sebastian ate his fish, and he laughed, holding out his fork with a bit of fried cod speared on the end. Fenris swatted his hand away, making a gagging noise that was purely theatrical. “Get it away from me,” Fenris said, “Ugh, it smells.”

“Fresh fish doesn’t have a smell,” Sebastian said. “Only rotten fish.”

“Well it must be rotten, then,” Fenris said. “Because it stinks.”

Sebastian chuckled and shook his head, but he kept his fish to himself.

The beach was where they spent their time, walking along the shore, leaving footprints that were swiftly erased by the tide. Sebastian bumped his hip against him and knocked Fenris off of his feet. He could feel dull anger threatening until Sebastian helped him up, laughing and leaving a kiss on his nose and too beautiful for anger to linger. 

“Aww,” Sebastian said. “You’re all wet now. I wonder what we should do about that.”

Fenris took his hand and led him to a bit of beach where no one lingered and sharp rocks obscured them. It was his turn to get Sebastian wet, pushing him down against the sand and climbing onto his hips. 

“Let me show you,” Fenris purred. Sebastian smiled, and Fenris kissed his teeth. 

***

On their third day, Fenris saw her. 

Her eyes flashed gold, and there were freckles blooming on the bridge of her nose. When he looked at her, he saw freedom. It swelled as a trade wind at her hair, lifting it from her shoulders; she was everything he remembered. Beautiful and strong and passion and freedom. He wanted to go to Isabela, to tell her everything that had happened, to tell her that he’d never stopped wanting her, never stopped loving her; but she was gone when he looked back, disappearing into the throng of people gathered in the markets. 

Sebastian gripped his shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

Fenris nodded. “Yeah, I just…” He let Sebastian fill his vision, let his face and his pretty blue eyes and his sweet, smiling mouth be the only things he could see. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

***

“Sweet thing,” she whispered against his ear. Her arms folded over his chest, and there was no untangling from her. Not that he wanted to be untangled. For five years he’d been away from her, and there was nothing he wanted more than the feel of her against him. He didn’t know how she’d found him, or how she’d gotten into his room – but he remembered how skilled she’d been, how she was able to sneak into places and disappear in the shadows. If she was freedom personified, she was also finesse. 

“Isabela,” Fenris sighed. He melted against her, let her take the last bit of strength he had. He didn’t need it. She was there, and so was Sebastian.

Sebastian.

Maker, what a mess. He’d never intended to bungle things so terribly. They had both loved him through the worst of his life, through the darkness and blood and pain and terror. They had been patient and gentle and so damn good to him. He’d never wanted to hurt them, he’d never wanted to make either of them feel like he had no room in his heart for them. In truth, his heart welcomed them both, it ached and it swelled and it broke for both of them. 

“I’ve missed you,” Isabela said. “You had a lot of nerve leaving me behind.”

“I’m sorr---“

She laughed, nuzzling her face against his neck. “I’m teasing you,” she said. 

Isabela’s arms slipped from his chest, and he turned to her. He wanted to put distance between them, between their bodies and the memories he had of their time together, but he couldn’t. When he looked at her, she was the girl he remembered; and when she looked at him, he was the same boy he had been, trembling and uncertain and in desperate want of her. 

He sighed when she kissed him, the breath moving over her tongue when she pushed into his mouth. Fenris wanted to love her without shame, he wanted to love Sebastian the same. He wanted to stop carrying so much guilt with him like an anchor on his heart. 

“I can’t,” he said, against the full shape of her mouth. “I can’t do this.”

“Why’s that?” Sebastian asked, his voice close to Fenris’ ear, his hands steady on his hips. It seemed Isabela wasn’t the only one who possessed stealth and finesse. Fenris couldn’t speak around his heart, could make the words come without sounding choked and far too desperate. 

“You don’t belong to me, Fenris,” Sebastian whispered. “Or to her. You belong to you.”

“So tell us what you want,” Isabela said against his throat.

He wanted to stop running. He wanted to stop being afraid to tear himself open, to be naked and vulnerable and exposed to the people who trusted themselves to him. He wanted to stop believing that freedom was a dream, that sweetness was a lie that had been told to him.

Fenris wanted to love and be loved.

“I want you,” Fenris whispered. “Both of you. I don’t want to be alone.”

They kissed him, Isabela’s lips at the hollow of his throat, Sebastian’s at his temple. They touched him in the darkness, their fingers warm and gentle and good. He sighed their names, a promise to the night that he would never leave them, that he would never call another shore his home. 

The night sighed with him.

**Author's Note:**

> written for yarnandtea! i had a lot of fun with this commission! i really couldn't stop writing once i got started. :3 
> 
> a modern-ish AU with Sebastian and Fenris (and Isabela!) <3


End file.
